I just threw up on my dentist
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
