$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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