I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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