i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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