Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
