the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
