So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize