You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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