And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
