he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
