i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize