worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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