I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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