He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
