She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
