Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
