I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize