half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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