Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
