What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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