oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
