There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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