you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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