I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
