The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
