I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need moral support for this bender
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
