pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
