Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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