you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
