My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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