thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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