he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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