I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alive.
So much puke
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
