pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
