Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you. Go after that dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
