So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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