I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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