How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
