Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
