Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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