I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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