So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
