You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
