She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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