Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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