the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
