Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
