Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
