I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Screwed.edu
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
