Kiss
Puke
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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