Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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