I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
