hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He shit in the fireplace
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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