Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
