So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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