This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
operation have a gay friend backfired
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
