I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
