Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
