Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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