Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
