This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
