dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
