I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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