i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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