just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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